Ok..there's this guy right? And I really really really deeply care about him. Actually I'm kinda crazy about him.
Anyway..he hurt me pretty badly awhile ago. It was unintentional but it hurt then and has been getting worse. It occurred to me that he is not a mind reader (What guy is? Even when you tell him directly and speak slowly he still doesn't know what you're talking about) and he didn't know that I am over here torturing myself with memories. So..I should tell him right. I mean tell him he hurt me but in a kind way and let him know it wasn't completely his fault (which it isn't I guess). That shouldn't be too hard to do. We're friends, right? Friends should be able to do this stuff:
"Hey...you were jerk!'
"Oh..I really am sorry."
"Cool...let's go get Starbucks."
But..nooo..I refuse to tell people how I really feel. Especially if I feel that they hurt me. I just smile and laugh and pretend everything is ok while I am falling apart because they act like I am invincible. I got hurt. And now I'm scared to tell him that. Everybody except for him knows I'm hurt and that's no good. I have to just....tell him. So I wrote a letter and,being a coward, instead of sending it to him I put it up on one of my blogs and protected it so only he could read it. Of course, since it's not myspace, it's a site he very rarely checks so he hasn't seen it yet. I put it up on Feb 15th and decided yesterday to take action. I made a comment on his site. This way I figured that the site would send a notice about the comment to his email he would go check and HOPEFULLY go to my site from there where the letter would be. A good Sneaky Snake plan of semi-courage.
HOWEVER, the powers that be, meaning God and I'm beginning to suspect some friends, decided it wasn't enough. I just read on his myspace that HIS EMAIL WAS DELETED! Seriously..could this have happened at a WORST POSSIBLE TIME?!?!?!?
It took me more than a week just to do that?! I have no more braveness left in me!!! God only knows when he'll decide to see about his blog and he might not even bother to check my site! ARGH asdjbagfabgsdbghjbgryuaierbhiubyejy!!!!!
This sucks so bad....